Office Matter
Successfully joined my new workplace. First 2 weeks was quite strenuous. Too much to read and learn. In my previous job I was in the project management team, all I did was to schedule and plan for the things to happen. If things don't happen make a big outcry to the higher management. After 2 years of this work suddenly I decided to venture into design side where lot of designing and technical brain storming session goes on. I don't know if its a blessing or curse, I ended up getting a job like that. Its been 2 weeks into this job and all I can remember is how badly I am getting embarrassed everyday. They tried to involve me in some high level discussions and later realized that I don't fit there. Then one senior person in that group took initiative to train and teach me. Time to time he drops in by my cubicle and asks me some basic physics questions related to what the company does. The answer I have given him so far is always bullshit. He knows that very well. The same bullshitting I did for my university exams but managed to pull thru.
The guy is really trying his best to help me and bring me on par with the other technical pudingees(Pluckers) in the company. He is doing it for my own good all that crap I know but its kind of getting creeping me out. Where ever he sees me he asks some questions and my morale goes down. I don't know how to go upto him and tell him that I am not as dumb as he thinks, but to support my saying I really dont have anything to put forth to him. If it was my university, I would have put a sad scene infront of my lecturer and try to get his sympathy. Now I cannot do it, I cannot go upto my boss and say that I am cluless in my area of work. They are paying me for it, atleast I need to put up a face saying that I know it.
Entering the office is like entering the lab practicals and standing infront of the viva committee. NikKa vachu kelvi mela kelvi ketu paduthuraanga.
The New Begning
Tommorow is my first day in the new company. This is the second company that I am going to step in. Previous job I managed to hang for 2 years.
Has any one heard of Astami and Navami. It seems these two days are really bad ones to start something new. Tommorow happens to be Navami. For past couple of weeks my parents are calling me every now and then to convince me not to join on 26th Sept. After helplessly yelling at them they gave up on that.
They told me the pariharam ( Some prayers to get the better of the stars and planets). Now just left with few hours to go, they have started calling me again. They want me to reach the office after 9.00 am. The reason being 7.30 am to 9.30 am is " Raagu Kaalam ". My reporting time is 8.30am, ' Oh God' y do u have to make my life so miserable by putting all the stars and planets in the worst possible manner at the time of my joining the new place.
Generally I dont know about all these superstitious stuff anad I dont believe in it also. But talking to my parents had made me believe that tommorow is the worst possible day and 8.30 is the worst possible time of that worst possible day. A small fear had crept into me, because if something goes wrong in my new job, I am not going to get any sympathy from my parents if I dont listen to them.
Futuristing Dream scenario " Suddenly one fine day my new company decides to throw me out"
Me : Dial +91 422 24#####
Amma : Hello
Me : naan thaan pesuren ma (its me mummy)
Amma : epadi da irruka, un kural enna oru maathiri irruku ( How are you, y do u sound so dull)
Me : Amma enna velaiya vitu thorathitaanga maaa ( I got retrenched ma)
Amma : Aiyoo ennada ipadi sollura ( Aaah! what are you saying )
Me : naan oru thappum pannala maa, company loss la poitu irruku. athan ( I didnt do anything wrong, my company is in loss, thats y)
Amma : Naan thaliyaa adichukitenne da, Navami innaikku serathu serathannu! sonna ni enga keta. ( I told you so many times, not to join work on that inauspisious day )
Me : Hmm
Amma : Raagukaalam Raagukaalamnu padichi padichi sonnenne da, naanga sollurathu onnayum ni ketkamaata. Ippo anabavikirathu yaaru. Naanga ellam un nallathuku thaan solluvom. enga varthaya ketu iruntheena ipadi ellam nadanthu irrukaathu. ( You didnt want to listen to us, about not joining on that bad day and bad time, now see you are the one reaping all its ill effects)
Me : enna pannurathune theriyala maa ( I dont know what to do )
Amma : ippavum onnum ketu pogala, naan sonnathu ellam ( Even now its not too late, follow my instructions )
1. Sithi vinayakar kovil la poi 108 rounds suththu. ( Go to ganesha temple and go round it 108 times )
2. Saneeswarar ku sani kilamai poi archanai pannu. ( Offer special prayers to Saturn god on Saturday )
3. Velaiyai ellam nalla padiya kidaicha udane, India vukku vaa, Tirupathi ku poi unnakku oru mota podalam. ( If you get a new job soon, come to India and we will go to tirupati and get your head shaved )
Me : Konjam kaasu anupi vainga maa, adutha velai kidaikira varaikkum selavukku venum. ( Send me some money to survive ma)
Amma : intha vaaram, nalla naale illai. Next week nalla naal paathu anupi vaikiren. ( Will wait for a good time and send it to you next week )
Me : Thanx maa. Bye.
Amma : Nalla saami kubimdu, ellam nalla badi ya nadakkum. ( Pray well and everything will end up well )
This seems to be a very scary thought. So decided to go late to office on the first day. Decided to report at 9.05 am. Still thinking of some good excuse to tell the department head for my late going. Hope I will come up with one before reaching the office.
Undocumented Sayings
Some great Tamil sayings which are not captured in writing earlier ( Subtitles Provided)
1. Kozhi Kuruda Irunthalum Kolambuku roosiya Irrukkum
English Subtitles : Even if the Chicken is blind its still great to be cooked.
2. Ketkuravan Keynayan aa iruntha, kadaparaiya kaatrula suthy, kaathula sorigiduvaanga.
English Subtitles : If the person who listens is dumb, then they will rotate the dagger in the air and plug it in the ears of the dumb person.
3. Nogaama Nongu edukirathu
English Subtitles : Effortlessly Taking the fruit from the palm tree.
4. Kuniyira samayam parthu kumi adikanum.
English Subtitles : Wait for the guy to bend and then blast him.
5. Vaaya Koduthu, Kandatha pun aakikaatha
English Subtitles ; Dont talk and get something else wounded.
6. kan asantha neram parthu kaai adikanum.
English Subtitles : Wait until he winks and castrate him then.
7. Mappum Mantharama irruka ava
English Subtitles : No direct translation. This is how a seductive looking women is described.
8. Kothum Kolaiyum ma irruka.
English subtitels : She is like bunches and branches
Direct translation not applicable : It actually means " The girl is voluptuous and well endowed "
Disclaimer : The english subtitles may not explain the real context of the above statement. Will try to work out on the context and document it in my future blog.
KPI System
This is the way company bullshits their employees how they do their appraisal.
KPI – Key performance Index
This is a high funda system that they follow.
KPI = X * Y * Z / Monthly Pay $$$$
X = Problem Solving Skills
Y = Knowledge
Z = Dollar Value addition to the company
The correct range is 0.8 to 1.2 If its less than 0.8 guy will be given increment. If its above 1.2 then the guy will be given promotion with a salary hike.
When I sat down and analyzed this, I realized that the actual practice is different. What happens in reality is given below.
KPI – Keyna Pasanga Indicator
KPI = X * Y * Z
X = Does he always leave the office after his boss ( Yes = 1, No = 0 )
Y = Is he always coming to the office before boss (Yes = 1, No = 0 )
Z = Is he really committed to work and comes to work on all weekends and public holidays (Yes = 1, No = 0 ).
If the KPI calculated is 1, then he is branded as trying to steal his boss’s job, hence boss will not recommend for a pay hike out of anger.
If the KPI calculated is 0, then boss is not impressed so you will not be given a good hike.
Girls Vs Vegetables/Fruits
Just realised that every part of women is compared to some fruit or vegetable.
I am not creating anything new and I am not inviting any controversial arguments.
Its just my inference from what I have heard before.
Cheeks : Mambalam
Eyes : Navapalam
Hands : Podalanga
Fingers : Kothavarangai
Legs : valaithandu
Breast: Mangai or ( Just "Kaai" in short)
Modern body : Kattai
Village body : Naatu Kattai
Lips : Cherry
Teeth : Pacha Arusi ( Some grade of Rice)
More suggesstions are welcome.
Dreamz unlimited - Color Kanavugal
When I talk about dreams its in the literal sense. Its not like dreaming about career and making it big. The dreams here relate to the actual dream during my sleep. My sleep is always filled with senseless dreams. Some times I am caught in such a fix and life threatening situation, then for a second in my dream I think that nothing so bad can happen to me and I make a conscious effort to open my eyes and What a relief!!! ooof! 'it was indeed a dream'. This has happened to me many times, but I don't know about others. So sometimes after getting out of the fix by cheating and getting out of the dream, I feel so proud of my self. Last night was a different scenario. The unthinkable happened, it was about a hot gal. Most of the time its only the familiar and known faces that come in the dream, but this one was different it was about a gal whom I have not seen before. Now don't even remember her face!
I don't remember the exact sequence, I got introduced to this gal somehow, but one thing led to another and I got the idea that something is going to happen in my life for the first time. That's when a bloody FU**ED up thought came into my mind. I actually thought, this seems to be so good to be true. I hoped and wanted to make sure that this was really happening to me, so to disprove my doubt, I tried closing my eyes tightly and opened , aaaaaaaaaaa vaaaathaaaa, total aaapu. Life ye mudinchu pochu, valkaiye irundu pochu. I was lying on my bed in total darkness. That Gal was missing, that balcony with Sofa was missing MY DREAM HAD ENDED.
I dont remember the movie name, but in one of the Vijay movie he dreams about a gal with a mole next to the naval. My problem is even before I got a chance to note some identification mark of the dream gal my dream ended. Last night made a vow that even if I am caught in a total fix, I wont try to think it might be a dream and open my eyes. I will close my eyes and face it till the end, let the dream get over by itself. This habit of subconscious effort to get out of the dream has realy costed me big time.
GREAT EXPECTATIONS
So Far I have not touched any serious or sensitive issues. Today I have decided to take a plunge and write about my other side. In the next few lines people will come to know about the transformation of a youth to an Engineer.
When I was a kid my parents expected me to get First Rank. They were least bothered about how I studied and performed, all they wanted was I must do better than the rest in my class. For some parents I was a integral part of the term " REST OF THE CLASS" . That means when they tell their son/daughter that they should do better than others in their class, I never failed to be in that crowd of "OTHERS".
Even after completing my undergrad my parents still think that I might for once succeed in coming first in the university. My parents " We have great trust in you son, you still have a chance, you can enroll for some masters course of your interest and can come out with flying colors" 26 yrs of knowing me still they have not given up the dream. I have done everything possible to shatter their trust about me excelling in studies, but all efforts in vain.
Then came the year of my board exams. They committed a big blunder of moving to a house where a separate study room can be provided for me. It was a makeshift bedroom for me most of the time. If they had actually known what was happening behind the closed doors of my study room, one thing is for sure, my younger brother would never be let to close his study room door.
Every damn guy around me was talking about going into computer engineering. During the long thinking sessions in my room I actually tried to simulate the future.
My thinking " Everybody wants to go into software line, what if in 5 years time this field hits a saturation point. By the time ppl realize that there is no scope or entry space for more software engineers it would be too late. So I will take a different engineering course and when the IT field hits a dead end other engineers would be of great demand." So I decided to do something different from what the rest of the class aspired. "Ennoda thinking ellam mayiraa pochu"
In India it would have been easy for any discipline engineer to get into IT industry. I ended up doing my undergrad studies in Singapore and became a Mechanical Engineer. To my dismay all the jobs available at the time of my graduation was for computer engineers. Damn Damn Damn! what have I done, wasted 4 yrs of my life doing engineering and not knowing any programming languages. Damn!! I was frantically looking for some short term software courses so that I can give a shot at IT jobs. Short term crash courses were big time expensive ones. Then one fine day got a letter " YOU ARE APPOINTED AS A MECHANICAL ENGINEER IN XYZ PTE LTD" If this didn't happen then most likely I would have found my way to some CALL CENTERS in India. Call center ROCKS as it was the only hope I had before finding my present job.
Management Talk
Today all my company staffs were called for a management meeting for a lengthy briefing. The turnover rate in our company is too high for past few months as the market is much lucarative outside. So the management was explaining how they intend to turn things around and give hefty bonuses in 2007 Feb if certain targets are met.
To give a better understanding, I had already given my resignation and serving my 1 month notice period. Just left with one more week in this office. After coming out of the meeting the first thing that came to my mind is, I should start a transport company by the end of next year. The things that the company has promised to ppl are so much that they are going to need professional movers to help them carry it to thier house. Before going into the meeting I thought they might acutally talk something really sensible that would make me regret my decission to leave this company, but to my dismay their speach sounded only life empty promises. So just had a good time pass and learnt some management traits that will help me in the future.
The experiment with Alcohol
Please dont be mistaken that I was not taking any action to update my blog. The work was actively carried out in my mind about the topic to blog for the past few weeks. I wanted to write a lot about my university days. The matter is so much but its all about one issue only. " BOOOOOOZE ". I will just mention in points form what all the insanely thing that I have witnessed during the booze sessions.
1. Puking on others bed
2. Puking on others
3. Trying to do roller skates with the glass - the most expected thing happened the glass broke and lot of blood flow.
4. Guys kissed each other to prove others that they are not realy drunk.
5. Sumersalt in the middle of the road to prove he was not drunk.
6. One guy almost died due to over drinking in the process of teaching a new guy how to drink and enjoy it.
7. Ripping of a guys worthy T-Shirt just to see how it feels to do it.
8. Complete unconsious state in the Toilet, Under the bed, under the computer table, next to the gutter, in the laundry room, by the side of the swimming pool.
9. Lighting up the other end of the cigarette by mistake.
10. Write a song about a gal staying in the same hostel block as we did. The song was named as " The Cummer of 69"
11. Being evicted from the hostel room for making so much noise at night causing disturbance to other ppl.
12. Just doing the cheers part costed us a lot of money, the reason being the breaking of glasses while doing it with great enthu.
We were one group of buddies sharing the thought that limited or social drinking is for loosers. I dont remember a single time when we decided to stop drinking when there was still alcohol left in the room. 2 reasons for which the party ends is due to running out of alcoholic fluid or getting knocked of completely. End of the day everybody as to pump in equal amount of money. So the more you drink the more you have availed your option. So it was a untalked competition all the while to get the maximum for the money you have pitched in.
All the worlds a stage
The subject of this blog is chosen with a purpose. Its been a long time and I was quite caught up with my everyday schedule. To my surprise I realised that I am one of the few gifted person who can get really busy wasting time by just lazing around. Suddenly one bright idea flashed and I decided to take a role of a writer in this stage of life. Thats when I started blogging. Later to my dismay I realised that couple of my friends had stumbled upon my blogs and had an array of discussion amongst them in thier mailing groups. Knowing that people are trespassing my blogs put a lot of pressure on me. So it literally took me over a month to come in terms with the reality of being exposed to the blog world.
Till last week I was on the look out of a house to rent. Over the weekend I had finalised a house and the owners were a old Mallu couple. There is one great Tamil actor called vivek, in most of the movies he associates mallus to either Asia net channel or the Shakeela Barrel. When I entered the house the couple were watching some Shalini movie in Asia net. I was infact expecting to sight a Omna kutty in the house but it didnt happen. All the Omna's of that house were already married and thier pics along with thier hubby's were hanging on the wall. Will be shifting to that new house some time during the 3rd week of July.
In most of the blog sites the bloggers had commented and given reviews about the movie Anniyan. As a sincere citizen of this blog world I will also pen down my reviews about the movie.
ANNIYAN - Summary and Review of the moview given below.
Sadha Naaaaech! Sadha Gummmmm! Sadhaaaaaaaaaaaa - This sentence perhaps says everything in detail about the movie. Nothing more to add.
Rating : Must Watch
Keep tuned until the next movie releases and the updates of the new releases will be posted with in a week of its release.
